Ryan B does Fair Exchange

Everybody gets old (well, except for me of course, I'm perpetually whatever age I was a few years ago), but more to the point, every THING gets old and usually when this happens the person or thing that gets old also winds up getting forgotten. It's sad, but true. EERIE Magazine, originally published by Warren Publishing along with CREEPY and Vampirella, got old and more than that it also got forgotten, because while the other Warren mags got revivals, Vampirella first by Harris Publishing and later Diamond Direct, and CREEPY Magazine that recently got relaunched by Dark Horse Publishing three years ago, EERIE has been out in the cold since Warren went bankrupt in the early eighties. What does all this have to do with today's story? Well, on the topic of EERIE and aging and being remembered I decided that it would be more than appropriate to look back on a classic EERIE tale from the early years of this great comic. A story about a man who wants to live forever and will kill to do it. A tale as old as slime called...

Fair Exchange.



The story starts with Cousin Eerie's big fat face welcoming us into a doctors office where an old man named Hubert Mannix yells at his physician, Courtney, for hesitating after he went to so much trouble to set up a lab and human subject for him. On an operating table between them lies a young man. Dr. Courtney says that he's hesitant because Mannix stands to gain everything from "the operation" but for the young man it's just murder.

Mannix quickly whips out a big bag of cash and reminds his doctor that he's getting half his fortune for performing this operation. Courtney relents and reminds the old man that he's only ever done this procedure experimentally and it has great risk. Mannix says at his age he can't lose and starts to undress for surgery. As he does, Courtney notes how well the young unconscious man is doing considering how potent the drug he's under is. Mannix says it took a lot to knock the guy out. He climbs on the operating table and his doctor tells him he can still reconsider. He says he's reconsidering how much he's paying the doc and insists that he's sick of his old decrepit body. Courtney says it won't bother him much longer as he applies the gas mask. Mannix slowly slips into unconsciousness and begins to flash back.

He is suddenly back in time at a different doctor, one who's telling him that he's going to die. He says that Mannix only has a year at most to live. Mannix yells and whines about how after a lifetime of gaining wealth and power he can't just die and not get to enjoy it all. He refuses to accept it and as he gets into his limousine he begins to think that there must be a way to cheat death. Somewhere in his vast empire must be someone who can help him. Finally while going through some papers later he finds the man.

He's read Courtney's notes and knows what he can do, so he goes to Courtney's crappy lab where he experiments on animals and orders him to perform an operation that Courtney assures him is impossible. Mannix promises him money and a new lab and the doctor finally agrees. He reminds Mannix that there has to be another man, another subject in the experimental surgery. Mannix says he'll take care of it.

In a scene right out of The Brain That Wouldn't Die, Mannix begins scouring local bars looking for a young male body with whom to trade. He finally finds a handsome loner who he thinks will be easy to get. He appears to have no friends or loved ones. He's strong and healthy and lives alone.

Mannix slips some drugs into the man's wine and then follow him to his bachelor apartment where he finally collapses. Mannix has some paid employees come and transport the unconscious man's body to Courtney's lab which leads us to where the story began in the first place. As this flashback ends and Mannix begins to groggily wake up and see Courtney's face, Courtney shouts that the operation was a success.

Courtney goes for a mirror as Mannix adjusts to his new, young body. He is having trouble seeing and there is a severe nauseous feeling in his stomach. he attributes it and the vertigo to the drugs he was under and gets up to advance on Courtney. Mannix realizes that this new body means a new life. A life that will require all his money, even the money he promised the doctor. He attacks Courtney and blacks out. When he comes to, Courtney is dead and he suddenly feels better. He sets fire to the lab, grabs the money and runs out into the night to hide at this new bodies apartment.

When he gets there it is still dark and he decides he'll wait for the sun to come up and then begins his new life. He opens a set of thick curtains to greet the coming dawn and to his surprise the sunlight that begins to pour in burns his skin and makes it smoke and hiss as if acid were being poured on him instead. He slowly starts to dissolve, screaming, into a skeleton as he catches a glimpse of a shiny black coffin in the next room. The coffin that would have protected this body had he known that the man he stole it from was a vampire.

This story reminds me a lot of the EC story, The Switch, except it doesn't have such a cruel edge to it. In this story Mannix is an old, crotchety, greedy man who only wants to hang onto his youth so that he can hold onto his money and continue being an ass. He deserves what he gets. The irony, I guess, is that he winds up turning into a literal monster before finally being destroyed like one. Also that vampires are immortal and so he would have had that immortality if he had just done his research better or found the coffin in time and put two and two together.

All in all this story isn't as good as The Switch, which I'll get around to reviewing eventually, but it is a decent tale of man's fear of aging and the artwork by Neal Adams is top notch.

I give it 6 out of 10 Werthams.


Wait. What's this?

My friend, Tom Bones, The Teenage Skeleton, just whispered something in my ear.

He says that after three long years EERIE is finally getting a revival too ala Dark Horse Publishing! Starting July 4th you can now find new EERIE's on comic book store shelves alongside CREEPY and Vampirella. Boss!

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Catch ya on the flip flop.